Modern Poetry Edition #46 {Behind The Poetry}

Hey now, my voracious little readers.
This week was easy as pie! It was a
piece of cake. Ha! I kill me!

Yes, that's right. No one was a match
for Cake's "Short Skirt, Long Jacket."
It was a landslide with Cake beating
Backstabbers, Lithium, Another Sedative
and sweet tears on your shoulder. Well,
duh. How's Cake gonna lose to any of
those? That's the biggest landslide
for Cake, since Eddie Izzard imagined
Church Of England running the Spanish
Inquisition:

"Talk! Will you talk?!"
    "But it hurts!"

"Well, loosen it up a bit, will you? Fine..." "Cake or death?"
    "Eh, cake please."

"Very well! Give him cake!"
    "Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice."

"You! Cake or death?"
    "Uh, cake for me, too, please."

"Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate.
You! Cake or death?"
    "Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..."

"You said death first, uh-uh, death first!"
    "Well, I meant cake!"

"Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England!"

So there you go, Cake. Going the
distance all the way to MPulitzer #46.
Welcome in, we're glad to have you.
Grab a beer. That all for now...

Look out very soon for a new edition
of Modern Poetry, #47, guest-edited
by Hope. Get ready to shake your
tail-feathers.

--Sean

 

Modern Poetry #46 {Behind The Poetry}
[1/5/06]
** Short Skirt, Long Jacket by Cake
Backstabbers by The O'Jays
Lithium by Nirvana
I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones
I'll Be by Edwin McCain

**Winner of MPulitzer

Modern Poetry this week:

Voters: 7
Slackerz: 30

And we did so well, last week (except for that ONE person!)...

-------------------------------

Well, well, well.  Welly-well, even.  Who knew  there were gonna be 46 of these?
Welcome in, my little muskrats.  It is indeed Modern Poetry edition #46, and it's
one you're gonna like.

This week we're going behind the poetry. This will demystify the process
by which the MP staff culls the poems and submits a proper five for your
amusement.  Basically we MP editors just go about our normal routines
until some divine poetry is heard.  Here's how it went for me...

First thing that happened was I was brushing my teeth one morning and I hear
Cake's "Short Skirt, Long Jacket." "Mmmmm cake," I think. I like Cake.
That's one.

Next, as I was getting ready for an evening out, 103.5 is rockin' the
O'Jays, one of my personal favoritos. You will recall "Used To Be My Girl"
was featured in MP#10 (Jimi's "Litte Wing" won that one). This time it was
the lesser known, but equally powerful "Backstabbers." They smile in your
face... That's two.

Now, fast forward to Monday morning. The Buzz (94.1) plays Nirvana's
"Lithium" while I'm eatin' my oatmeal, and before I can even take time to
jot it down, they play the Ramone's "I Wanna Be Sedated." That quirky 94.1,
the Buzz! Four down, one to go. Finally, Tuesday afternoon raking leaves,
I hear Edwin McCain's "I'll Be," that syrupy sweet infectious tune from
1997. Edwin is from Charleston, SC, and was given a break by Hootie and the
Blowfish. "I'll Be" was almost as overplayed as anything Hootie did, but
now with the passage of time, I have to admit I like it. And the cheesy,
juvenile hook appeals to the simple low-country boy in me -- and you know,
it rhymes.

Now we have five. From here we go to the library of congress in Washington
to get the lyrics. Many are in songbooks, publications by the RIAA, or in
Gov't offices (Nirvana's I got from the FBI). MP staffers then read and
interpret the lyrics, to ensure literary merit, and check for errors in
transcription. One last check from William Safire, Wiliiam F. Buckley, Jr.,
and George Will is required to garner final approval. And then your humble
narrator inscribes the lyrics (now properly called modern poems) in a book
of fine parchment with a gold-nibbed 1950's Waterman while the MP engraver
carves the poem titles and artists into a commandment-worthy slab of italian
marble.

Then, we scan the marble and parchment text into an email program, I write a
few words of witty banter, post the crap on the MP website, and as Kelly
Bundy said, "Viola!"

See, not so bad. Want to try it for yourself? Submit your guest editor
application via email. Votos yos choicos, por favor.

And don't fake the funk.

--Sean

Short Skirt, Long Jacket by Cake
==============================================
I want a girl with a mind like a diamond
I want a girl who knows what’s best
I want a girl with shoes that cut
And eyes that burn like cigarettes

I want a girl with the right allocations
Who’s fast, thorough, and sharp as a tack
She’s playing with her jewelry
She’s putting up her hair
She’s touring the facilities
And picking up the slack
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.

I want a girl who gets up early
I want a girl who stays up late
I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity
Who uses a machete, to cut through red tape

With fingernails that shine like justice
And a voice that is dark like tainted glass
She is fast, thorough, and sharp as a tack
She’s touring the facilities and picking up the slack
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long, long jacket

I want a girl with smooth liquidation
I want a girl with the right dividends
At Citi-Bank we will meet accidentally
We’ll start to talk when she borrows my pen

She wants a car with a cupholder armrest
She wants a car that will get her there
She’s changing her name
From Kitty to Karen
She’s trading her MG for a white Chrysler LeBaron
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket

Backstabbers by The O'Jays
==============================================
(What they do!)

(They smile in your face)
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)

All you fellows who have someone and you really care, yeah, yeah
Then it's all of you fellows who better beware, yeah yeah
Somebody's out to get your lady
A few of your buddies they sure look shady
Blades are long, clenched tight in their fist
Aimin' straight at your back
And I don't think they'll miss

(What they do!)

(They smile in your face)
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)

I keep gettin' all these visits from my friends, yeah,
They come to my house again and again and again and again, yeah
So are they there to see my woman
I don't even be home but they just keep on comin'
What can I do to get on the right track
I wish they'd take some of these knives out my back

(They smile in your face)
All the time they want to take your place
The back stabbers (back stabbers)

Low down... dirty...
(What they do!)

(They smile in your face)
Smiling faces... smiling faces sometimes tell lies
(Back stabbers)

(They smile in your face)
I don't need... low down, dirty bastards
(Back stabbers)

Lithium by Nirvana
==============================================
I'm so happy 'cause today
I found my friends
They're in my head
I'm so ugly, but that's okay
Cause so are you
Broke our mirrors
Sunday morning is everyday for all I care
And I'm not scared
Light my candles
In a daze cause I found god
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm so lonely
That's okay I shaved my head
And I'm not sad
And just maybe I'm to blame for all I've heard
But I'm not sure
I'm so excited, I can't wait to meet you there
But I don't care
I'm so horny but that's okay
My will is good

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I like it - I'm not gonna crack
I miss you - I'm not gonna crack
I love you - I'm not gonna crack
I kill you - I'm not gonna crack

I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones
==============================================
Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go, I wanna be sedated
Nothing to do, nowhere to go, I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport and put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers, I can't control my brain, oh no oh ho
Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go, I wanna be sedated
Nothing to do, nowhere to go, I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair, get me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers, I can't control my brain, oh no oh ho ho

Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go, I wanna be sedated
Nothing to do, nowhere to go, I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair, get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can't control my fingers, I can't control my toes, oh no oh oh ho
Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go, I wanna be sedated
Nothing to do, nowhere to go, I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair, get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes, oh no oh oh ho ho

Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam, I wanna be sedated
Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam, I wanna be sedated
Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam, I wanna be sedated
Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam, I wanna be sedated

I'll Be by Edwin McCain
==============================================
The strands in your eyes
That color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains
Thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth

And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows
Of heartache that hang from above

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
And you're my survival
You're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead

And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows
Of heartache that hang from above

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And I've dropped out
Burned up
I've fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in
Turned on
Remembered the things that you said

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your...

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life