Modern Poetry Edition #29, (Potent Poetables)

OK MP readers I trust you've slept off the potency of the
poetables you tried over the weekend, and are now ready for
the results. Well here they are:

4 votes for Red Red Wine
4 votes for anything but Red Red Wine
2.5 votes for One Bourbon One Scotch One Beer
2 votes for Cold Beverage
1 vote for Funky Cold Medina

So the academy was left with these figures to determine a
winner. It was tough. One of the votes for RRW, was supported
by insightful and witty comment. Dan said:

   RRW ... provides a glimpse into the broken heart
   and shows the sense of despair that can lead to
   alcoholism. And isn't that really what this
   category is all about?

Fair play to you, Dan. I liked it, but E&Y decided to
tally a net +1 for RRW, taking into account the negative

So that leaves us with the winner:
One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer.

For those keeping track, the sisters Bennett provided the
pivotal votes and comments.

BTW, zero votes for the Beasties with Brass Monkey?

Modern Poetry #29 {Potent Poetables}
Cold Beverage by G. Love And Special Sauce
Red, Red Wine by UB40 (w/b Neil Diamond)
**One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer
   by George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers (w/b John Lee Hooker)
Brass Monkey by the Beastie Boys
Funky Cold Medina by Tone Loc

**Winner of MPulitzer

I have just returned from meeting with Bill Frist. Based on his advice, we have written in a clause to the bylaws stating that one vote (mine, natch) is required for cloture, the ceasing of argument that eliminates the filibuster.

Get your votes in now. MP #29 is neck and neck with One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer and Red, Red Wine. How can RRW possibly compete with OBOSOB, you ask, when Red Wine is made mostly by the French, Californians, and Chileans? Isn't Beer from Milwaukee? Bourbon from the hardscrabble folks in Kentucky and Tennessee? {if anyone sends me a note about only Kentucky being able to produce bourbon, your vote will be invalidated for a month} And doesn't Scotch come from Scots, you know, the ones in Scotland?

Yeah I wondered too, but a lot of Red Red Wine is made in Italy too, and the producers there are almost as proud as the ones in France. And they really know how to rig an election. Vote, if you have yet to. I'll try to keep it on the level.



Modern Poetry Fans,

Welcome in, MP Newbies. We hope you enjoy. To help these poems be most agreeable, please enjoy with your favorite beverage. I have myself been inspired to the highest (safe) levels of alcohol content on all of the following selections. Please sample any of the eponymous libations before voting. It could make a difference.

Here's how it works for those who are new: read 'em and vote in your response via email. Voting is usually open for a week or so. The winner receives an esteemed MPulitzer; this will be the 29th such awarded. I will send out a link to the MP archive later. For now just vote for your fave. Your criteria are your own. I like wit, rhyming, and poems that go well with a funky beat. But you're free to vote for whoever you like.

I think there's something here for everyone. G. Love evokes Ginsberg, UB40/Diamond the sparser stylings of Emily D, and Tone Loc the Def Poetry Jam.

Next edition we are hoping to be a guest edited edition, of which we are planning several over the coming months. Look for your invite soon. Voter registration continues, so if you have other folks who want on the list, let me know. And if you want off the list, say to study the poems of Sprinsteen exclusively, let me know that too.


Cold Beverage by G. Love And Special Sauce
Yo - could I get a cold beverage?
I need some leverage
It's sweaty outside
Some lemonade would be nice
Or a sprite from the drive-through
At B.K. Yo I'll buy a girl a drink
But girls got to pay
On the front porch yeah I got

If you like a taste of tea
Then come along with me
Summertime is steamin'
Don't give me no worries
Grab some ice and a dash of vermouth
It's martini time
Yeah yeah feeling golden
Bring your own beverage
Just make sure it's cold

I like cold beverage yeah (3 X)
Uh huh

Give me frosty mug
Filled with A & W
If you got ice cream
Then make it a double scoop
Milkshake from the fountain
Real good sounding
Chocolate egg cream
Yo, I'm champ cherry pounding

Caught a chill vibe
Orange juice in my ride
Wawa's to the right
They got beverage inside
Buy me a hot coffee
Then fill it up with ice
Watermelon's like drink
Please fix me a large slice
Summertime is cool the heat is getting old
Yeah I'll have a beverage
Just make sure it's cold

Cold, cold, cold, cold ...(You need something from the bar?)
I like cold beverage, yeah (3 X)
'Cuz I'm feelin' kinda thirsty

Stick it in the fridge, stick it in the fridge
Stick it in the fridge, stick it in the fridge (2 X)

Go girl work the cold one (4 X)

Yo, when I'm fishing
Let's keep one thing clear
The bait's over there
The brew's right here
Two six packs and a big bag of ice
Didn't even catch a bite
But the brew tasted nice
Back to the bar
Strawberry daiquiris and a colada
I need a whole lotta them
Fruit drinks to catch me a buzz
I must tell you I'm the Kool-Aid kid
Before you serve me a drink
Please stick it in the fridge

I like cold beverage yeah

Red, Red Wine by UB40 (w/b Neil Diamond)
Red, red wine
Go to my head
Make me forget that I
Still need her so

Red, red wine
It`s up to you
All I can do, I`ve done
But mem`ries won`t go
No, mem`ries won`t go

I`d have sworn
That with time
Thoughts of her
Would leave my head
I was wrong
And I find
Just one thing makes me forget

Red, red wine
Stay close to me
Don`t let me be alone
It`s tearin` apart
My blue, blue heart

One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer
by George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers
Wanna tell you a story,
About the house-man blues
I come home one Friday,
Had to tell the landlady I'd-a lost my job
She said that don't confront me,
Long as I get my money next Friday
Now next Friday come I didn't get the rent,
And out the door I went

So I goes to the landlady,
I said, "You let me slide?"
I'll have the rent for you in a month.
Maybe next month, I don't know
She said let me slide it on you know people,
I notice when I come home in the evening
She ain't got nothing nice to say to me,
But for five year she was so nice
Lord she was luvvy-duvvy,
I come home one particular evening
The landlady said, "You got the rent money yet?",
I said, "No, can't find no job"
Therefore I ain't got no money to pay the rent
She said "I don't believe you're tryin' to find no job"
Said "I seen you today you was standin' on a corner,
Leaning up against a post"
I said "But I'm tired, I've been walkin' all day"
She said "That don't confront me,
Long as I get my money next Friday"
Now next Friday come I didn't have the rent,
And out the door I went

So I go down the streets,
Down to my good friend's house
I said "Look man I'm outdoors you know,
Can I stay with you maybe a couple days?"
He said "Let me go and ask my wife"
He come out of the house,
I could see it in his face
I know that was no
He said "I don't know man, ah she kinda funny, you know"
I said "I know, everybody funny, now you funny too"

So I go back home
I tell the landlady I got a job, I'm gonna pay the rent
She said "Yeah?" I said "Oh yeah"
And then she was so nice,
Lord she was luvvy-duvvy
So I go in my room, pack up my things and I go,
I slip on out the back door and down the streets I go
She a-howlin' about the front rent, she'll be lucky to get any back rent,
She ain't gonna get none of it
So I stop in the local bar you know people,
I go to the bar, I ring my coat, I call the bartender
Said "Look man, come down here", he got down there
So what you want?

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
Well I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when,
I've been drinking bourbon, whiskey, scotch and gin
Gonna get high man I'm gonna get loose,
Need me a triple shot of that juice
Gonna get drunk don't you have no fear
I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

But I'm sitting now at the bar,
I'm getting drunk, I'm feelin' mellow
I'm drinkin' bourbon, I'm drinkin' scotch, I'm drinkin' beer
Looked down the bar, here come the bartender
I said "Look man, come down here"
So what you want?

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
No I ain't seen my baby since the night before last,
Gotta get a drink man I'm gonna get gassed
Gonna get high man I ain't had enough,
Need me a triple shot of that stuff
Gonna get drunk won't you listen right here,
I want one bourbon, one shot and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

Now by this time I'm plenty high,
You know when your mouth a-getting dry you're plenty high
Looked down the bar I say to my bartender
I said "Look man, come down here", he got down there
So what you want this time?
I said "Look man, a-what time is it?"
He said "The clock on the wall say three o'clock
Last call for alcohol, so what you need?"

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
No I ain't seen my baby since a nigh' and a week,
Gotta get drunk man till I can't even speak
Gonna get high man listen to me,
One drink ain't enough Jack you better make it three
I wanna get drunk I'm gonna make it real clear,
I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer

Brass Monkey by the Beastie Boys
Brass Monkey - that funky Monkey
Brass Monkey - junkie
That funky Monkey

Got this dance that's more than real
Drink Brass Monkey - here's how you feel
Put your left leg down - your right leg up
Tilt your head back - let's finish the cup
M.C.A. with the bottle - D. rocks the can
Adrock gets nice with Charlie Chan
We're offered Moet - we don't mind Chivas
Wherever we go with bring the Monkey with us
Adrock drinks three - Mike D. is D.
Double R. foots the bill most definitely
I drink Brass Monkey and I rock well
I got a Castle in Brooklyn - that's where I dwell

Brass Monkey - that funky Monkey
Brass Monkey - junkie
That funky Monkey

Cause I drink it anytime - and anyplace
When it's time to get ill - I pour it on my face
Monkey tastes Def when you pour it on ice
Come on y'all it's time to get nice
Coolin' by the lockers getting kind of funky
Me and the crew - we're drinking Brass Monkey
This girl walked by - she gave me the eye
I reached in the locker - grabbed the Spanish Fly
I put it with the Monkey - mixed it in the cup
Went over to the girl, "Yo baby, what's up?"
I offered her a sip - the girl she gave me lip
It did begin the stuff wore in and now she's on my tip

Brass Monkey - that funky Monkey
Brass Monkey - junkie
That funky Monkey

Step up to the bar - put the girl down
She takes a big gulp and slaps it around
Take a sip - you can do it - you get right to it
We had a case in the place and we went right through it
You got a dry Martini - thinking you're cool
I'll take your place at the bar - I smack you off your stool
I'll down a '40 dog" in a single gulp
And if you got beef you'll get beat to a pulp
Monkey and parties and reelin' and rockin'
Def, def - girls, girls - all y'all jockin'
The song and dance keeping you in a trance
If you don't buy my record I got my advance
I drink it - I think it - I see it - I be it
I love Brass Monkey but I won't give D. it
We got the bottle - you got the cup
Come on everybody let's get ffffff

Funky Cold Medina by Tone Loc
I'm thinking

Cold coolin' at a bar, and I'm lookin' for some action
But like Mick Jagger said, "I can't get no satisfaction"
The girls are all around, but none of them want to get with me
My threads are fresh and I'm looking def
Yo, what's up with L-O-C?
The girls I saw jokin' at the other end of the bar
Havin' drinks with some no-name chump
When they know that I'm the star
So I got up and strolled over to the other side of the cantina
I asked the guy, "Why you so fly?"
He said, "Funky Cold Medina"

Funky Cold Medina

This brother told me a secret on how to get more chicks
Put a little Medina in your glass
And the girls will come real quick
It's better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac
A couple of sips of this love potion and she'll be on your lap
So I gave some to my dog, when he began to beg
Then he licked his bowl and he looked at me
And did the Wild Thing on my leg
He used to scratch and bite me
Before he was much, much meaner
But now all the poodles run to my house
For the Funky cold Medina

You know what I'm sayin'? I got every dog in my neighborhood
Breakin' down my door, I got Spuds McKenzie, Alex from Stroh's
They won't leave my dog alone with that Medina, pal

I went up to this girl, she said, "Hi, my name is Sheena"
I thought she'd be good to go with a little Funky cold Medina
She said, "I'd like a drink, " I said OK, I'd go get it
Then a couple of sips, she sold licked her lips
And I knew that she was with it
So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned
But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess: Sheena was a man!
So I threw him out, I don't fool around
With no Oscar Meyer weiner
You must be sure that your girl is pure
For the Funky Cold Medina
You know, ain't no playin' with a man
This is the 80's and I'm down with the ladies, ya know?

Break it down

Back in the saddle, lookin' for a little affection
I took a shot as a contestant on the Love Connection
The audience voted and you know they picked a winner
I took my date to the Hilton for Medina and some dinner
She had a few drinks, I'm thinkin' soon what I'll be gettin'
Instead she started talkin' about plans for a weddin'
Said wait, slow down, love, not so fast, says "I'll be seein' ya"
That's why I found you don't play around
With the Funky Cold Medina
Ya know what I'm sayin', that Medina's a monster, y'all
Funky Cold Medina