Modern Poetry Edition #4


# 4 #

[5/10/04]

Swingtown - SMB

Walking In the Rain by Oran "Juice" Jones

**Go See The Doctor - Kool Moe Dee

Hot Stuff by Donna Summer

Valley Girl - FZ

 

**Winner of MPulitzer

 

No voting this week. I am too busy reading fan mail and fending off the

press requests for interviews to count ballots. Modern Poetry is really

catching on!

 

Thanks for all of those who sent in requests, but this ain't Q107.5.

MP does not do requests.

 

My apologies to the diabolical Biz Markie for all the typos is his prose

last week. I think the errors contributed to a lack of enthusiasm the

voters showed for the Vapors (which though not as popular is lyrically

superior to 'Just A Friend'). So I award the people's choice poem to

the Biz, instead of to Kylie who was included as a joke of course.

Can you spot this week's joke?

 

Enjoy.

 

Swingtown by Steve Miller

=======================================

Ooo oooohhhh

Ooo oooohhhh

 

Come on and dance, come on and dance

Let's make some romance

You know the night is fallin'

And the music's callin'

And we've got to get down to Swingtown

 

We've been workin' so hard

We've been workin' so hard

 

Come on baby

Come on baby let's dance

Come on, come on, come on

Come on, come on, come on

Come on, come on, come on

Ooo oooohhhh

Ooo oooohhhh

 

Come on and dance, come on and dance

We may not get another chance

You know the night is fallin'

And the music's callin'

And we've got to get down to Swingtown

 

 

The Rain by Oran "Juice" Jones

=====================================================

CHORUS:

I saw you (and him) walking in the rain

You were holding hands and I'll never be the same.

Tossing and turning another sleepless night

The rain crashes against my window pane

Jumped into my car didn't drive too far

That moment I knew I would never be the same.

 

I saw you (and him) walking in the rain

You were holding hands and I'll never be the same.

 

Now here you are begging to me

To give our love another try

Girl I love you and I always will

But darling right now I've got to say goodbye

'Cause

 

I saw you (and him) walking in the rain

You were holding hands and I'll never be the same.

 

(I saw you)

Hey hey baby how ya doin' come on in here

(Walking in the rain)

Got some hot chocolate on the stove waiting for you

Listen first things first let me hang up the coat

(You were holding hands and I'll)

Yeah how was your day today

Did you miss me

(Never be the same)

You did? Yeah? I missed you too

I missed you so much I followed you today

(I saw you)

That's right now close your mouth

'Cause you cold busted

(Walking in the rain)

Now just sit down here, sit down here

I'm so upset with you I don't know what to do

(You were holding hands and I'll)

You know my first impulse was to run up on you

And do a Rambo

(Never be the same)

 

I was about to jam you and flat blast both of you

But I didn't wanna mess up this thirty-seven hundred dollar lynx coat

So instead I chilled -- That's right chilled

I called up the bank and took out every dime.

Than I cancelled all your credit cards...

I stuck you up for every piece of jewelry I ever bought you!

Don't go lookin' in that closet 'cause everything you came here with is

packed up and waiting for you in the guest room. What were you thinking?

You don't mess with the Juice!

I gave you silk suits, blue diamonds and Gucci handbags.

I gave you things you couldn't even pronounce!

But now I can't give you nothing but advice.

Cause you're still young, yeah, you're young.

And you're gonna find somebody like me one of these days . . .

Until then, you know what you gotta do?

You gotta get on outta here with that alley-cat-coat-wearing,

punch-bucket-shoe-wearing crumbcake I saw you with. 

Cause you dismissed!

 

That's right, Silly rabbit, tricks are made for kids, don't you know

that. You without me is like corn flakes without the milk! This is my

world. You're just a squirrel trying to get a nut! Now get on outta

here. Scat!

 

Don't touch that coat...

 

 

Go See the Doctor by Kool Moe Dee

=======================================

Three days later, go see the doctor...

 

I was, walking down the street, rocking my beat

Clapping my hands and stomping my feet

I saw a little lady so neat and petite

So was so sweet, yes I wanted to meet

So I asked this lady could I take her out

We could wine and dine and we could talk about

The birds and the bees in my waterbed

And you could treat me like a Buddha and bow your head

We continued to talk, and before you knew it

We were at my house and it was time to do it

As soon as I finished, I lost my poise

Ran outside and told all my boys

I said listen up fellas, come over here, bust it

They said did you get it? I said yeah, they said how was it?

The poontang was dope and you know that I rocked her

But three days later, go see the doctor

 

I rocked her to the left, rocked her to the right

She felt so good, hugged me so tight

I said good night

Three days later...

 

Woke up fussing, yelling and cussing

Drip drip dripping and puss puss pussing

I went to the bathroom and said mama mia!

Iím a kill that girl next time I see her

The madder I got, the more I reminice

Why is my thing thing burning like this?

Well I remember the first day I saw that girl

I just couldnít wait to rock her world

I said hey good looking, what you got cooking?

What have I done stuck my dick in?

Now I know why her ex-boyfriend Dave

Calls her Mrs.. microwave

Cause she was hotter than an oven and I had to learn

The hard way stay in the microwave too long you get burned

But the poontang was dope and you know that I rocked her

But three days later, go see the doctor

 

I went to the doctorís office, I said what have I got?

He said turn around boy and take this shot

I looked at him like he was crazy, and I said what?

Ainít nobody sticking nothing in my butt

He turned and said in a real deep voice

Have it your way, if thatís your choice

And Iíll put it down if you want me to put it

But donít blame me if it turns into a foot

Extending from the middle of your body

And the next time you see your cute hottie

You wonít be able to screw, the only thing you can do

Is just kick her, so go take karate

As I turned around to receive my injection

I said next time Iíll use some protection

If I see another girl and I get an erection

Iím walking in the other direction

Cause I donít wanna do the sick sick dance

So Iím keeping my prick inside my pants

 

And if I see another girl and I know I can rock her

Before I push up Iíll make her go see the doctor

 

 

Hot Stuff by Donna Summer

============================================

Sittin' here eatin' my heart out waitin'

Waitin' for some lover to call

Dialed about a thousand numbers lately

Almost rang the phone off the wall

 

Lookin' for some hot stuff baby this evenin'

I need some hot stuff baby tonight

I want some hot stuff baby this evenin'

Gotta have some hot stuff

Gotta have some love tonight

I need hot stuff

I want some hot stuff

I need some hot stuff

 

Lookin' for a lover who needs another

Don't want another night on my own

Wanna share my love with a warm blooded lover

Wanna bring a wild man back home

 

Gotta have some hot love baby this evenin'

I need some hot stuff baby tonight

I want some hot stuff baby this evenin'

Gotta have some lovin'

Gotta have love tonight

I need hot stuff

Hot love

Lookin' for hot love

 

How's about some hot stuff baby this evenin'

I need some hot stuff baby tonight

Lookin' for my hot stuff baby this evenin'

I need some hot stuff baby tonight, yeah-yeah

I want some hot stuff this evenin'

I want some hot stuff baby tonight

 

 

Valley Girl by Frank Zappa (with Moon)

============================================

Valley Girl

She's a Valley Girl

Valley Girl

She's a Valley Girl

Okay, fine

Fer sure, fer sure

She's a Valley Girl

In a clothing store

Okay, fine...

Fer sure, fer sure

She's a Valley Girl

In a clothing store

 

Like, OH MY GOD! (Valley Girl)

Like - TOTALLY (Valley Girl)

Encino is like SO BITCHEN (Valley Girl)

There's like the Galleria (Valley Girl)

And like all these like really great shoe stores

I love going into like clothing stores and stuff

I like buy the neatest mini-skirts and stuff

It s like so BITCHEN cuz like everybody's like

Super-super nice

It's like so BITCHEN

 

On Ventura, there she goes

She just bought some bitchen clothes

Tosses her head 'n flips her hair

She got a whole bunch of nothin in there

 

Anyway, he goes are you into S and M?

I go, oh RIGHT .

Could you like just picture me in like a

LEATHER TEDDY

Yeah right, HURT ME, HURT ME...

I'm sure! NO WAY!

He was like freaklng me out...

He called me a BEASTIE...

That's cuz like he was totally BLITZED

He goes like BAG YOUR FACE!

I'm sure!

 

Valley Girl

She's a Valley Girl

Valley Girl

She's a Valley Girl

Okay, fine...

Fer sure, fer sure

She's a Valley Girl

So sweet 'n pure

Okay, fine

Fer sure, fer sure

She's a Valley Girl

So sweet 'n pure

 

It's really sad (Valley Girl)

Like my English teacher

He's like (Valley Girl)

He's like Mr. BU-FU (Valley Girl)

We're talking Lord God King BU-FU (Valley Girl)

I am SO SURE

He's like so GROSS

He like sits there and like plays with all his rings

And he like flirts with all the guys in the class

It's like totally disgusting

I'm like so sure It's like BARF ME OUT...

Gag me with a spoon!

 

Last idea to cross her mind

Had something to do with where to find

A pair of jeans to fit her butt

And where to get her toenails cut

 

So like I go into this like salon place, y'know

And I wanted like to get my toenails done

And the lady like goes, oh my God, your toenails

Are like so GRODY

It was like really embarassing

She's like OH MY GOD, like BAG THOSE TOENAILS

I'm like sure...

She goes, uh, I don't know if I can handle this,

y'know...

I was like really embarassed.. .

 

Valley Girl

She's a Valley Girl

Valley Girl

She's a Valley Girl

Okay, fine

Fer sure, fer sure

She's a Valley Girl

And there is no cure

Okay, fine

Fer sure, fer sure

She's a Valley Girl

And there is no cure

 

Like my mother is like a total space cadet (Valley Girl)

She like makes me do the dishes and (Valley Girl)

CLEAN the cat box (Valley Girl)

I am sure

That's like GROSS (Valley Girl)

BARF OUT! (Valley Girl)

OH MY GOD (Valley Girl

Hi!

Uh-huh (Valley Girl)

My name?

My name is Ondrya Wolfson (Valley Girl)

Uh -huh

That's right, Ondrya (Valley Girl)

Uh -huh...

I know (Valley Girl)

It's like...

I do not talk funny...

I'm sure (Valley Girl)

Whatsa matter with the way I talk? (Valley Girl)

I am a VAL, I know

But I live in like in a really good part of Encino so

it's okay (Valley Girl)

So like, I don't know

I'm like freaking out totally

Oh my God!

Hi - I have to go to the orthodontist

I'm getting my braces off, y'know

But I have to wear a retainer

That's going to be really like a total bummer

I'm freaking out

I'm SURE

Like those things that like stick in your mouth

They're so gross...

You like get saliva all over them

But like, I don't know, it's going to be cool, y'know

So you can see my smile

It'll be like really cool

Except my like my teeth are like too small

But NO BIGGIE...

It's so AWESOME

It's like TUBULAR, y'know

Well, I'm not like really ugly or anything

It's just like

I don't know

You know me, I'm like into like the clean stuff

Like PAC-MAN and like, I don't know

Like my mother like makes me do the dishes

It's like so GROSS. . .

Like all the stuff like sticks to the plates

And its like, it's like somebody else's food, y'know

It's like GRODY...

GRODY TO THE MAX

I'm sure

It's like really nauseating

Like BARF OUT

GAG ME WITH A SPOON

GROSS

I am SURE

TOTALLY...